Mixed feelings

I continue to have mixed feelings about approaching my father about his history of substance use and finding out the why. There are days when I feel like I have the courage to ask, but never place the call. There are days when I get angry because I haven’t asked sooner. There are days when I feel like I should have been told and shouldn’t have to ask. There are days when I feel like I don’t want to know. I really don’t understand why I fret about this so much. Why can’t I be like Nike and “just do it”? So many questions and very few answers. Isn’t that life? People struggle with the realities of life and sometimes getting questions answered. We don’t ask the questions. Our fears sometimes outweigh our desire for answers and therefore we don’t pursue those answers. As I sit here I am in that boat and afraid to through out the anchor, so I keep coasting to the middle of nowhere.