Author: D. Anderson

Throughout life we learn many lessons. Some are taught and some are learned. Some we experience on our own and some are taught to us. The idea would be to learn the lesson and learn from the lesson without having to be taught again.

Since leaving my previous employment I have reflected on the lessons I learned while working there. Some I will carry with me and the others I continue to work on discarding. One of the biggest lessons I learned is to make myself a priority. Not a career, not a job, and not a title. If you are not whole, then you can’t afford to give away pieces of yourself. Many of us who came up around my time were taught to be loyal to our jobs. Don’t squander an opportunity. Don’t take employment for granted because good jobs were hard to find. Be grateful that you have a job…. but what about us? Prioritizing employment over yourself is not only unhealthy it is asinine and it took me a long time to learn that.

Now that I have, I will take what I have learned with me if I ever go back to work for a company or organization. I will move differently. I will prioritize me. Use my PTO. Take mental health days. Not volunteer to work on weekends, come in early or stay late. Not carry others on my back to save “the company”. Set healthy boundaries and only accept employment that aligns with my spiritual journey. Gone are the days of following the status pro quo.

When you experience substance use disorder it is all about lack of control. Lack of control over your behavior, thoughts and actions. There is power in getting control and being able to live “normally”. Control is defined as the power to influence or direct people’s behavior.

However, the type of control that exist in interpersonal relationships and the lack of control of self are the most cynical. Some people think that control means that someone loves them. We often hear statements like “they only want what’s best for me” and in the lack of control of self we hear statements like “it isn’t my fault”. Both statements are nonsensical. Getting control of your life and someone or something having control of your life are not the same. One involves being forced to do the work of others the other involves the work you do for yourself.

Our goal should be to not let anyone, or anything have control over our lives, rather that be relationships, work or substances. Letting this happen gives that thing your power. Letting this happen makes you more vulnerable to manipulation. Letting this happen destroys your self-confidence and devalues you.

It is challenging to change something you have been doing for a length of time. As I have said before change is scary. Sometimes you have to let go though.

I gave seven years of my life to a company; however, things were changing and I did not agree with the direction it was going. My enjoyment for the job was dissipating. I was finding myself not wanting to get up for work. I was going into work with a certain irritability that I had to be there. I began having a lack of motivation, where I was once a high achiever. I just started dreading everything associated with my employment there.

So, I let it go! I began to realize that I cannot change them nor how they manage their company, the only thing I could do was change myself. I didn’t put in a two-week notice. I was already out for a month, so I just sent an email that I was done. I got back a generic message like we are sad to see you go; however, I knew that was not true. Management and I had been clashing for months. I felt like I was not appreciated for all of my dedication and commitment to the job.

So, I let go! After resigning I felt a sense of relief. Like a weight had been lifted off of me. Like the black cloud was gone and the sun was shining through. I closed a chapter in my life. Your identity should not be tied to a job. YOU ARE MORE IMPORTANT than a job and so am I.

Change is inevitable. Sometimes change is scary. Other times change is gratifying. My life is changing and I am trying to adapt by applying the let them theory. Something I am reading about in “Let Them” by Mel Robbins.

With my mental health conditions change is challenging. I feel like I thrive better with consistency and knowing what is happening and why. Some may call this control, but I feel like it reduces my anxiety.

Recently my work environment has brought me great angst and made me question myself about rather or not I should remain in the counseling field. Now, I have been doing this for the last 13 years and I believe that I am passionate about those that battle addiction. I am sympathetic and understanding, as best as I can be.

I know that I need to make a change, but what is it? I can leave my job, go into a less emotionally taxing career but does that satisfy the purpose I feel I have? Am I making the right decision. I am not sure, but I have to make one.